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100 questions before marriage

Not an exam, and definitely not one sitting: a map. These hundred questions cover the ten domains where married couples most often discover — years in — that they never actually asked. Take a domain a week. Disagreement isn't failure; discovering it now is the entire point.

Money

1. What did money mean in your childhood home?
2. Merged accounts, separate, or hybrid — first instinct?
3. What's your debt story, fully?
4. What purchase needs no discussion — up to what sum?
5. Saver panic or spender panic: which do you have?
6. What would we do with a sudden windfall?
7. Who tracks the numbers — and how often do we both look?
8. What does 'financially safe' mean in figures?
9. What money habit of your parents do you refuse?
10. What would we cut first in a hard year?

Children — or not

1. Do you want children — today's honest answer?
2. If yes: when-ish, and what changes first?
3. If we couldn't conceive — what then?
4. What from your upbringing do you keep — and end?
5. Who gets up at night, structurally?
6. What does discipline look like to you?
7. How would we split leave and career cost?
8. What if the child is nothing like us?
9. How many — and what changes the number?
10. If we disagree on all this — what's our process?

Family & in-laws

1. What does 'family comes first' mean to you — exactly?
2. How often are your parents in our week?
3. What boundaries do our families need from us?
4. Holidays: whose, where, and what's sacred?
5. What family duty do you carry that I should know?
6. What happens when a parent needs care?
7. What family opinion could actually sway you?
8. Which traditions are non-negotiable?
9. How do we handle a relative who oversteps?
10. What does 'our own family' get to invent?

Home & daily life

1. City, town, or trees — where does this end up?
2. What does clean mean — show me the bar?
3. Chores: system, vibes, or hired help?
4. Morning person marries night person — treaties?
5. What's your non-negotiable in a home?
6. How much alone-time keeps you kind?
7. Guests: how often is happy for you?
8. Whose stuff wins the shelf war?
9. What daily ritual should we protect forever?
10. What does 'home' need to feel like by year five?

Conflict & repair

1. How did your family fight — and end fights?
2. What's your shutdown tell I should know?
3. What words are simply off-limits for us?
4. How long may a silence last?
5. What does a real apology include for you?
6. When do we involve outside help — therapy, mediation?
7. What topic do you already brace on?
8. How do we fight when tired — special rules?
9. What repair worked on us before — repeatable?
10. What does forgiveness cost you, honestly?

Faith & meaning

1. What do you actually believe — current edition?
2. What practice or ritual is non-negotiable for you?
3. How would we raise children on this, together?
4. What holidays carry meaning versus habit?
5. What if one of us changes beliefs mid-life?
6. What role does community play for you?
7. What's sacred to you that I might miss?
8. Where do our ethics differ — name one?
9. What does 'a meaningful life' require?
10. What tradition should we build from scratch?

Careers & ambition

1. What's your ambition, said without shrinking?
2. Whose career moves us cities — and how decided?
3. What's the cost you won't pay for work?
4. What does retirement even mean to you?
5. If one income covered us — who'd pause, ever?
6. How much work talk belongs at dinner?
7. What would you risk for a dream project?
8. What's success by fifty, concretely?
9. What if my ambition inconveniences yours?
10. When work eats me — how do you pull me back?

Health, body, minds

1. What health history should I fully know?
2. How do you handle being ill — and being nursed?
3. What's your relationship with alcohol and the rest?
4. Mental health: what's your weather and care plan?
5. What does 'taking care of yourself' include for you?
6. Habits you're keeping versus fighting — which is which?
7. What medical decisions must be discussed first?
8. What role may I play when you struggle — and not play?
9. Aging bodies: what do we promise each other?
10. What's your hard line on interventions and heroics?

Intimacy & tenderness

1. What does desire need to survive decades?
2. How do we talk about wants — without a crisis first?
3. What does frequency panic sound like — and its answer?
4. What's intimacy beyond bed, for you?
5. How do we handle seasons of mismatch?
6. What makes you feel wanted, precisely?
7. What's off-limits, full stop?
8. How would we raise a flag early here?
9. What does faithfulness include — screens edition?
10. What tenderness must survive every busy year?

Growing old, together

1. What does eighty-us look like on a Tuesday?
2. What do we promise if memory fails one of us?
3. Where do we want to grow old — geography of it?
4. What friendship must marriage never replace?
5. What will we still learn at seventy?
6. What legacy matters — money, memory, or made things?
7. How do we handle the first serious diagnosis?
8. What do we want written about us, one line?
9. What must we start now to be those old people?
10. Why marriage — not just this, continued? Say it long.

Questions here are invitations, never interrogation: skip any, return to any, answer with tea. The goal is a warmer conversation, not a complete one.