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Love calculator: a meaningful relationship check-in

12 questions about decisions, conflict, responsibilities and boundaries. Get specific conversation themes and practical next steps, without a name-based love percentage.

Think about the past four weeks and real examples. This is an original reflection questionnaire, not a validated psychological scale. “Not sure” counts as neither a positive nor a negative answer.

Answers stay in this tab. There is no session recording here.

1. I can disagree or say no without fearing threats, punishment or humiliation.
2. When a decision affects both of us, both views are heard before we decide.
3. I can name a need directly without having to make the other person guess.
4. After an argument, we return to the issue and agree what will change.
5. An apology includes ownership of an action rather than blaming the other person.
6. Either of us can ask for a pause, with an agreed time to return to the conversation.
7. Household, planning and caring tasks have clear owners rather than one permanent manager.
8. Money decisions that affect shared life are transparent and discussed beforehand.
9. When one person has less energy, we adjust responsibilities and later review the balance.
10. Both of us have time for friends, interests and rest without needing permission.
11. Privacy, physical closeness and personal boundaries are respected when someone says no.
12. We make room for enjoyable time together, rather than only discussing duties and problems.

How to read the result

The four themes are assessed separately. “Often” counts as 2, “sometimes” as 1 and “rarely” as 0; unknown answers are excluded from the mean. A mean of 1.5–2 suggests a steady pattern, 0.75–1.49 a topic to discuss and below 0.75 a potentially unmet need. These thresholds are an editorial way to organize a conversation, not research norms.

Voice and decisions

A shared decision needs two visible perspectives. Notice whose first idea becomes the default and who does the work of objecting. A practical experiment is to write down each person’s need before choosing one plan.

Repair after conflict

A repair has an observable next step. “I’m sorry” is useful when it names the action and what will happen differently. Choose one unresolved small issue, agree a calm time and make a specific request rather than listing every past argument.

Shared responsibilities

Completing a task is only part of its load: remembering, planning and checking also take effort. List one recurring job from start to finish and agree who owns it. Review whether the arrangement works after a week, including each person’s available time and energy.

Boundaries and connection

Connection includes freedom to rest and remain a separate person. Ask what helps each of you feel close, and what time or space is needed individually. Try one enjoyable shared activity and one protected personal break without treating either as a reward.

When a joint conversation may not help

If you fear threats, punishment or coercion, consider safe support first. Positive answers elsewhere do not cancel that experience. This questionnaire cannot establish whether a relationship is safe.

NHS · Information about abuse and support

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